Fresh baked bread straight out of the oven. It’s soft and it smells like heaven. Ripe bursting tomatoes, soft and juicy with a mild bite. Crisp lettuce – no floppiness here, only crunch. Swiss cheese, smooth sweet and tangy. Slice of turkey breast, straight from the fridge. It’s cold. It’s COLD. The turkey breast is fucking cold and that is completely unacceptable.
Let’s consider some notable advancements in history...
Circa 8,000 BC (that’s 10,000 years ago) during The Neolithic seeds were harvested and animals were herded and domesticated. Also during the Neolithic, man learned to make fire in a consistent and controllable manner.
You know what, I don’t even have to keep going. 10,000 fucking years ago we could make bread, we could farm, we could herd and domesticate animals, and we could make a fucking fire. Here we are 10,000 years later making sandwiches with cold meat. COLD fucking meat. If you asked one of these Neolithic fucks if they’d rather have a warm lamb-shank or a cold one, they would pick the warm one. You know how I know that? Because if they preferred cold food, they wouldn’t have learned to control fire in order to cook their food! So next time you’re over there at Subway (arguably the most fucking garbage food chain in the world) make sure to get the cold meat, lord knows you’re so goddamn sophisticated you can order yourself a curtain of turkey breast straight from the freezer, go home undress and just roll around in it until you rub one out.
You get it toasted? Good for you. Warm bread, still cold ass vagina meat.
*excludes the greatest sandwich known to man, the broodwich.
